So there's a guy at the office with nifty hair. Ever since he stopped wearing vests and collared shirts his hair has looked even niftier than it did before.

So today he was like, "Oh, I like your piercings," referring to the conch piercings in my ear.
I said, "Thanks, they were a graduation present to myself." 
And he said, "I too got myself a graduation present." 
"What, your motorcycle?" 
"No, something more like yours. Your piercings, I mean."

He hasn't got anything in his face.

My mind slipped right into the gutter.

It took all my willpower to maintain eye contact and say, "Cool. OK." 

I dreamed of Charles for the first time since we broke up 2016 according to this blog. I actually almost never dreamed of him even when we were in a relationship, though. Angela shows up with alarming frequency though. Justin doesn't show up at all.

He did show up on my side of the bed last night. To paraphrase:

"Whaaaat, what is this?"

"Come here and you'll see!"

I beheld the rumpled pile of blankets on his side of the bed. In all likelihood it concealed something unpleasant, like an icepack or a cat toy.

"Gotta brush my teeth first."

I brushed my teeth. Flossed. Mouthwash'ed.

"Alright, what's in there?"

"You can see better from this side!"

But on that side all I saw was Justin's smiling face peeking out from beneath the duvet.

"Okay-"

"I warmed it up for you!"

So cute.

But anyways, I first dreamed I was doing the Kitchener hub traffic study, working out of a huge shopping mall. Yiing, of all people was there working at one of the other consortium's firms. I asked her, "Why do we need to evaluate the traffic impact of this mall separately? We can just capture it through background traffic growth."

She said, "Oh, true!"

We both then realized that we still had to capture the site-generated traffic added by the hub. And I thought, "Oh, shit, where is the Environmental Assessment?" but instead of finding the EA we ran through a back alley, past a fountain, past the dodgy flip-sequin backpacks, into a restaurant serving dim sum where we had brunch with Charles (and half a dozen others).

And during the brunch I asked, "Why did you guys break the engagement?"

Charles said he had been on an accident, on a boat, playing Jeopardy, where he got his bits crushed.

At which point I wondered if I was having brunch with Charles BOYLE rather than other-Charles and woke up.

For real though, I feel bad for Charles. Sucks to have built up a future (with condo-sized investment) and then watch the plans fall apart. Can't Eat/Pray/Love that shit away quickly. 

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

(Judith Martin)

Justin and I are kinda cheap people of limited interests and it is really cold outside. We've only been together for a year and a half. I mean there are things I like to do alone, and lots of things to do in Guelph, but IDK what to do when he comes to Toronto. Doesn't really make sense, from a enjoyment/money ratio anyways. I just really like eating food. Cooking with Justin is like getting free lessons.

Also my Tokyomilk Bulletproof sprung a leak and I didn't notice until now, so it's empty.

Also, I told a guy he did well on the midterm, but I confused him for his friend, and he did rather poorly. That will be awkward when he finds out.

I dreamed that I was doing something for a right-of-way allocation presentation with Sophia, Sally, Galina, and Shivani. In the snowy courtyard outside the library there was a small bonfire. It seemed like a good idea to cook some marshmallows but I needed a marshmallow stick first. But then everyone I knew in high school started carrying firewood to the bonfire! These were very large pieces. Branches wrapped in rags and drenched in gasoline, tree trunks spontaneously combusting while being carried. The cherry on the top was Phillip who was spinning like a whirling dervish with a flaming wigwam held aloft. The wigwam exploded and I yelled that safety monkey would be very disappointed. The pyromaniacs fled as the the fire grew out of control and the stone walls in the courtyard crumbled. A gust of icy wind But at last, I found the marshmallow sticks untouched on the south wall of the courtyard, and cooked a single perfect marshmallow over the embers of the university campus. It was delicious. \

Anyways I've been enjoying working from "home" lately :/

--

Quote of the day -

"It looks like it was left alone in a PC store overnight and ate all the other laptops."

http://www.theverge.com/circuitbreaker/2016/8/31/12718840/acer-curved-gaming-laptop-predator-21x-price-release-date-ifa-2016

This is a true story about toilets.

( Read more... )

But really, is no place sacred??? How is it acceptable to tell someone to hurry up? 

Adam said that I'm like him (okay), but "smarter" (debatable), which is why I should do a PhD.
I said that's the exact reason that I won't do a PhD.
Then he called me savage.

--

I'm going canoeing this weekend. I think Justin and I might also make meringue cookies, or custard again.

--

I had my hair cut short again. When it was finished the hairdresser blew it out and I looked like a mushroom. It's settled down now but I was aiming for modern-day Demi Lovato, and I got Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. Better luck next time.

So, I've started listening to the HP audiobooks.

• Stephen Fry is amazing!


• A book I've read many times before sounds entirely new!


• I'm only beginning to appreciate Harry's unique viewpoint and way of describing things now.


• ... I'm surprised Harry made it out of #4 mostly untraumatized.

--

Tomorrow I need to start asking people about going onto their roofs, because fear of not graduating is beginning to exceed fear of rejection. I think, after enough failures, like in Bioshock, I won't be afraid anymore.

--

Cleaning out the inbox:

THE RULES:
(Thank Alina for all the funny parts.)

1) No breaking things
Or we will break you.

2) No making babies
There are enough ugly people in the world.

3) No going outside and making very loud noises
Or bad things will happen! (Like the parents of the three year old children next door will be
very angry. Or decide to call the police.)

4) You may not throw up (or by extension pass out)
If you look like you don't know what you're doing, people will be sent to monitor your
drinking.

5) No guests
Sorry, but this includes your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your best friend, even your favorite
sibling. Let's face it, they'd be lost amongst the Calculus jokes anyway.

6) Only grade 11s, 12s, and alumni are invited
The grade nines get more action than all of us anyway, let's not publicly embarrass
ourselves in their presence. And the grade tens will be busy thinking about who will go to
Pinecrest.

7) NO DRUGS
I'm looking at you......cough

8) No hanging out in the front yard
There will be a big backyard - enjoy it. But in the front yard, other people can actually see
you. Let them live with the illusion that they live on a very quiet, peaceful dead-end street.

9) You must, at some point, thank Alex's parents for letting you party at their house
Preferably before you lose the ability to make sentences

10) Know how you are getting home!!! (We mean this. My parents already have to stare at 2 dopey-eyed teenagers every morning, they really don't want to deal with 50.)
You will be in North York people, far from civilization - but everyone is expected to
vamoose around 1:30. So:
- Ask people who live near Alex to house you if necessary
- Rides are recommended
- Remember that the Subway at Finch- Eglinton closes at
roughly 12:00 am due to tunnel maintenance

HK-47:

Statement: Oh yes, my master had quite the collection of tortured individuals that seemed unable to confront their basic personality conflicts. Let me cite some specific examples.
Mockery: "Oh, master, I do not trust you! I cannot trust you or anyone ever again!"
Mockery: "Oh, master, I love you but I hate all you stand for, but I think we should press our slimy, mucus-covered lips together in the cargo hold!"

James is a great friend. Really. But whenever we hang out I feel like I'm getting away with murder. And. I kinda don't wanna hang out. Except it's good to talk to people who aren't still in school! Maybe it's my energy levels.

--

The Toronto Vomit Comet. I did not know about this.

Here’s the thing. Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break.

(Deadpool)

Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.

(Rousseau)

I wish it weren't so. I feel like I'm barely in control of my life, and I can barely hold it together. I dread getting on the bus every day. I dread meetings with the advisors.

But really, the world is going to shit, in a few decades we'll probably have to bunker down with the canned food and bottled water anyways. And let's not fool ourselves, I'd definitely be in the 99% wiped out within in the initial aftermath. Why am I working towards things that contribute nothing to either my own happiness or my own long-term survival?

Because the organizers of the networking session were feeling playful, the PhD student has a nametag that says "Firstname Skywalker" and under that, "Sith Knight".

Him: Look at my nametag! I can force choke people now!  Do you know only two Skywalkers have ever gone dark?
Me: You know that they nearly put Firstname SexyMonkey on your nametag, right?
Him: Well, then I'd choke them another way.

And then I choked on my laughter.