I should be happy to have unofficially graduated, right? I mean, the program night was appropriately awesome. I survived the bender that followed. I'm finishing my last year in this curry filled sinkhole with a 96.3 average. But noo happy isn't happening. Except I can't exactly bring myself to be sad either, and apathetic is so annoying.


The devoid of emotion thing is really pissing me off again. The inferior function of the INTP is Extraverted Feeling, i.e. we're allegedly crap at empathy and having a non-binary emotional range that isn't a switch between all or nothing. "All" is whatever happened last night (+) or reoverreacting to something (-). 

In fact, this analysis says,


Translation: "Get Laid." Since I didn't manage that last night, I will now take this opportunity to rec more emo music. 

The instrumentation alone is gorgeous, and Vienna's lyrics are inherently fairly intellectual - same way with Suzanne Vega. 

btw roly221  if you've managed to scroll all the way down, how does it feel being right :S  I might as well answer your question of why that particularly cheapo uni since I have developed both time and inclination. Also here, I won't be pressured to mince words, drop sentence capitals, or wimp out. I guess it's for you too, michiichan, if you're still wondering. So now I get to set down my reasoning. Now with gratuitous editing!

The only reasons it ever became as serious choice for me as UT was because 1) Shivani from elementary seriously considered it for biotech, and then 2) the program nerds tend to concentrate there and 3) you were almost completely dead set on it, and rather pushy/enthusiastic about it. Not that that's bad, of course. Let's also not that I did not do much research.

So between UT and that uni? I guess it seemed I too was convinced for choosing UT because 1) They gave me a lot more money, 2) I could save money if I stayed at home, 3) Their stationary is far superior to the other one, 4) one coop term does not accomplish much in terms of civil engineering, unlike a year long PEY 5) a certain adam mentioned that UT was better for old school engineering, i.e. mech/civil/etc, and that the other one was for newer disciplines of nerding. Also Trin let me into their res. There are 8 spots in it for engineers/dentists/etcs! But Trin res costs are rather prohibitive and make no sense in context since I live an hour away. So in summary the choice was UT living at home with PEY, or oncampus at that other place with coop. 

So this swings back around to the turning point. Roly, you did speak of how coop would let one explore more options unlike UT's PEY. While civil eng isn't quite as, say, varied as other disciplines like mech, sys design, engsci, chem, there are still quite a number of options out there. It's been said that you can get rehired by the coop employer which would make up for never seeing a project to completion. I also do not want to go and study for more terms in a row than I have to. Hence coop. The coop unemployment rate couldn't be too terrible for 1st year civil engs, and that sunnybrook this summer might be beneficial here in supporting the rest of my lack of resume. Also, as much as I "fear change" such as one of living away from home, forgetting to eat, and wearing the same clothes for a month, I want to move out. Academic-quality-wise I'm sure both unis are decent enough.

I am deathly afraid of university. I am afraid of the return of the workload, the new hallways that shall smell like cheese instead of curry, the absence of people I've known for four years. I do not like fresh starts and I fear sudden power/freedom/responsibility, but these are exceeded by my dislike of my current lack of power/freedom. If the thought of going to UT fills me with dread, then at least the thought of the other uni fills me with slightly less dread and a sense of the possible possibilities ahead. 

Dude I hope you scrolled to the end, I've been trying to write this whole post since 9 and got kicked out of 2 bridge games. One of them was actually exciting! I preempted four clubs because I had eight, EIGHT excellent clubs, LHS opp doubled, and even though p had a void in clubs I made it! Combined with the dbl it made for a matchpoint top. LHS opp then accused me of cheating and kicked me out. We should play more bridge sometime.