On my desktop I have a folder called "Not my problem", which is full of stuff people have sent me in the past to edit. It is placed inside a folder called "I am a horrible person", which is full of files I shouldn't have - things like off-the-record chats I've saved from gmail, personal backups of blog posts, and that lot. 

Now, I've only mentioned that because that phrase (not my problem) does turn up repeatedly, by design. Such as in this alternate justification: 

If he succeeds at getting her to go out with him - and I do hope he does - then he becomes her problem.

I mean, who am I kidding when I say that I'm acting out of the goodness of my heart?

Muahahahahahahaha. 

</theory>

total total topic change.

earlier today i had a fit of dizzy rage.

now, cold rage.

guess i'm not as secure with myself as i thought i was.

maybe this is how guys feel about penises, but i doubt that they ever have the urge to cut anyone else's off. 

ASMR and frisson are supposed to be pleasurable feelings, right? Why do I get them from unpleasant truths?

I want to cry but the shivers on my arms are too distracting.

Anyways I dreamed something about hijacking a plane with Morwaie, missing my interview, missing the flight, boarding on the stomach, lush theatre system with Voldemort in the wings.

I think PIW died in my dream, and for a while I couldn't tell if it had actually happened or not, because she was standing right in front of me, buying ice cream sandwiches, before I realized I was late for my interview. Or was she Alice? 

Actually haha I just realized why I'm acting the way I am.

I just want to prove myself right and that I give good advice.

...

What the fuck is wrong with me and why is it happening on the eve of my mechanics 2 midterm?

I can't even coherently bounce any new thoughts off myself let alone anyone else especially not other people before midterms. Besides by now, well NO NEW INFORMATION to pore over. And god, I recognize this pattern. I need to stop. It's not even a valid feeling anymore. 

So you're insecure. You don't like being wrong. You don't like being alone. Get over yourself. 

And the worst thing that could happen now is that they reassure me that I'm awesome and have nothing to worry about. Then it's Guiltfest 2012. And I can't believe it.

Luckily self disgust has erased most of the resentfulness and shit that sprang up about three hours ago.

Self-disgust does wonders. It means at least half of yourself is right at any given time. Either your main side is awesome, and everything is good, or the self-righteous, self-disgusted side wades into the wallowing and plucks you out.

It's all good.

Current options
Play Motherlode
Wait for Kingdom of Loathing to rollover, and play.
Watch Kinsey/ 500 Days of Summer/ Piled Higher and Deeper and stare solemnly into a cup of tea
Eat cold ham slices.
Read Kushiel's Scion
Study
Sleep