I wrote this post and deleted it and wrote it again. It means nothing at all - it never has - but it still exists, and that is usually enough. 

Fuck it. That particular brand of oblivion isn't good enough anymore. I envisioned it as a means to an end, but getting to that end requires delicate timing, manipulation, a strong constitution, and self-control, all of which I am pants at. 

I swear that next time, I will be in control. I will know what my goals are, and those goals will not be unattainable, and those goals will not extend beyond "mmmmmm" or "funtimes".

Yknow those people on Facebook who write about what a crappy day they've had and then say "I don't wanna talk about it"? Woops.